Tingling Friends with Benefits

There are times when you are surrounded by a crowd, but feel out of place and lonely. During such times, it is good to know that there is a dear one you can rely on. However, in this current era filled with opportunistic beasts enclosed in smiley human faces, finding someone to truly rely on, is harder than dry humping a water pool. A delighting orgasmic pleasure of being accepted by another human, is mysteriously comforting, and could lead to a good love adventure. However, there is a list of friends with benefits one should have, in a back of their brain, once the moment strikes.

Starting with an obvious: Sexual: Apart from restoring your normal mood, what kind of grownup has never thought of having a sexual friend, without strings attached? Such a friend deserves to be on speed dial, waiting for a rising sexual tensional moment.

Dry humping: Since full sexual conduct including its fluids isn’t pleasant to many, one can resort to a smoother version. It is free from strings which could be attached and very passionate. Surprisingly, it is highly recommended during sad times, as a form of comfort. Of course, I am talking about full body contact hugs, cuddling and snuggling. And a firm no, a human should never be replaced with a stuffed animal.

Psychological Sewage: Emotional stress, damage, commotion and rage, combined with feelings of emptiness and being deserted, deserve to be dumped unto someone else. A struggle by many, to live a modernized fast-paced life, has stressed many out, resorting to seeking help. Unfortunately, intervention personnel have sighted the opportunity, and resorted to sky-rocketing therapy prices. Seeking out a friend, one can always talk to, even though, they may end up being useless, is a better alternative.  

Seasonal feelings: Although I am emotionally dysfunctional, once in a while, there is someone I fall back to, whose insights truly mean a lot, and inspire new beginnings. Unfortunately, with many encountered arseholes lately, this someone has become dynamic. Shit.

A shoulder to cry on: Uttering out random personal life struggles to a stranger is comforting. But, but, a known dear one, with hints of what your life is or should be, provides a better and deeper perspective of the situation. Give them a call, they many not be total twats after all.

Reality check: Fantasy and imaginations are part of lives lived. However, we need someone to point out crap and shit we do, as we stray along twisted paths. Chosen someone should toss in mockery and embarrassment phrases, so that one feels the full effect. Such a friend skyrockets decisions to be made, aimed at personal achievements and improvements. I am on a desperate hunt for one.

Brain storming: A must have, for anyone classifying themselves as a twenty-first century human, feasting on information prevailing across the globe.

Adventure: A throwback to college days: there was a hiking buddy, a workout buddy, a nonsense buddy and the list went on. Time has rolled through space, and whereabouts of these buddies are sketchy. It must have to do with this thing called growing up.

Day drinking: Cocktails, spirits, wines and random beers are essential on a crazy fucked up day, in that particular order: Dare mess with that order; I will hunt you down, no matter your guilty pleasure. One shouldn’t drown their sorrow in complete misery, but have another human to join in.

Shitty life: A nature of wanting to be superior to another, is engraved in creatures of humanity. One deserves to fully know of someone, who they are way better than, in terms of everything, as a way of having a reason to continue living.

Despite of crushing life catastrophes encountered, friends with benefits in various categories are a must have, for everyone. However, they may not always be there for you when chaos strikes.

More life insights and hacks in Altered Life Perceptions, available at your favorite store and library, in electronic and audio formats.

Kinds of friends with benefits, why you need someone

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