Dry Humped Teddy Bear

From a distance in a hallway, I spotted a kid dry humping a teddy bear. Don’t worry, I never interrupted. Like any decent grown up and responsible human of the advanced technological era, I pulled out a phone and took a photo. Tempted I was, to post it on social media. Imagine of all likes I would have received? Only to be counteracted by lashed out comments from self-proclaimed moralists; and getting fired as a babysitter. It would be worth it. Worry less, I never made it my phone wallpaper. However, a standard poster will be delighting. But, but, seriously, what would you have done?

I had the query within for so long. After adequate time passed and knowing that I will mostly likely never be invited to babysit, I posted the query on social media. I know, babies are so cute but can quickly become disgusting. Anyway, I took a step further and in boxed a few friends and colleagues, making the query personal. Responses received were interesting and entertaining.

Some appreciated my not interrupting the kid practicing how to bring forth a life. Another intelligently reminded I of the biological instinct and desire required to fulfill a path of curiosity and survival. And of course, my favorite responses indicated how morally damaged I am, and never to be allowed to babysit. It is truly relieving to know; I don’t have to worry about screaming tiny humans, or having to drug the little one to sleep. The latter sounds awful, but better than the kid sipping small ounces of a dark, strong and cheap spirit, zoning into a euphoric state.

I would love to see an expression of a dear parent, walking into a room and finding their adorable cute little pie, dry humping a teddy bear. Resulting confusion on their face will be worth a kodak moment. Parent goes into a series of rants, recalling a time they never closed a door while doing it. Or it must be the new kid on the block? But really, as a parent or babysitter, what would you do next?

It is surprising, many parents will lash out to the kid, commanding it to stop immediately. A punishment is likely to follow in form of a time out for a lucky few, or sounds of whips to be heard by the neighbor, for parents who do it old school. A few reasonable parents are to smile away, while for curious ones will enquire from the kid what it thinks it’s doing? What’s your take?

Years have gone by and I still don’t get it. Had the parent found the kid punching and kicking the teddy bear, all will be well and fine in River City. In fact, it wouldn’t be a big deal if that was what I posted on social media, “found a baby kicking a teddy bear”. Perhaps a few emoji responses would be received, and still have all my followers. Great. It is sad we are freely accepting violence and making it okay for new rising generations.

Many differing schools of thoughts in various cities I have encountered and exploited; a trend of acceptance for violence than sexuality prevails. Furthermore, historical books and records about sexuality are a pain in the arse to find, while those about war and crime are literally everywhere.  

A reverse is required, whereby a kid found dry humping a teddy bear, deserves a treat for the effort and educated more about the act. It should be a good initiation and transition, thus parent or guardian doesn’t worry about when, or how to have “the talk”. I urge you sweet loving and caring parents and guardians, to encourage your babies, to keep dry humping teddy bears, even in stores. And yes, they enjoy it while you are captured in soothing overrated passion filled moments.

Ravish your mind with more life insights, from Altered Life Perceptions, available in electronic and audio format, in various stores and libraries.

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