Offer: Senior Citizen Strippers

“Can we please interest you in the word of our Lord God the creator of the universe and all that resides on and in it?”, humbly inquired two random strangers.

Whoa, that was very elaborate. Any who, not being an arsehole, I replied with a cheesy smile: ‘sure, come in, and afterwards I shall entertain you with my porn collection’.

It turned out, neither party was interested in the other’s shit.

Another fantabulous instance occurred, when I was in a relationship. And yes, I am referring to this thing called boyfriend and girlfriend shit. A few months into that shit, the she I was greatly attracted to physically, decided to grab her bags and head off to a damn mission to serve her God.

I knew, distant relationships are a blazing hell hole. Those in doubt, allow I to give it to you fully: it is in distant relationships that false hopes are verified and brought forth. Actually, on second thought, it wouldn’t be a distant relationship, but a time apart, with occasional online communicating here and then. Cutting to the crap, I went along with the idea of trying it out, for a sole purpose of proving a close friend wrong. And no, I wasn’t trying to be evil enough, with another purpose of ruining my relationship.

With to and from emails between I and the her on a mission, whom I was in a relationship with, she suggested sending I missionaries, as a way of keeping I on the straight and narrow path. These missionaries were to show I the light, so that I could be uplifted, and motivated as well.

Little did she know, I was already uplifted by porn. And no, I never hid that away from her; she thought it was a joke. I should have sent her my favorites. Of course, we were still in a process of getting to know each other, before she decided to grab her baggage and headed off, to a damn fucken mission. I am not sure how long the shitty process of knowing one another should take? But, I hadn’t yet shared enough with her.

Since I was in a fucken relationship, I compromised. I accepted and promised to warmly welcome and entertain the missionaries she was to send, if and only if, upon her return from the mission, I was to send her two senior citizen strippers.

She turned down my offer, and I couldn’t accept hers either.

Random strangers tend to sneak up to I, offering I unpleasant exchanges. It must be because I was cursed with a warm and welcoming appearance, which I flare out often with a charming smile.

About a week ago, I was approached by two fellows. Luckily enough, they found I in my right mood. It was in a middle of the day, which puzzled my thinking brain span. However, I rarely draw conclusions about a situation, unless facts and reality are verified. To avoid suspense and getting to the chase, I decided to ask these two fellows, if they were suffering from luck of shit to do? Sadly, they calmly responded with a delusional fact that they had a lot of shit to do, but decided to place it aside, and spread the word of the one and only. Great, could it get any worse? These two retards reminded I of an arsehole of a preacher, who abandoned his family, in a demented pretext of spreading good news to the world.

It is not that I am against those claiming to spread “good news” about a Mythical and Mysterious Creature. However, when I say to you that I am not interested, fucken back off, and get a living hell out of my sight. For the devil’s sake, it is a twenty first century, I am living life on a crushing plane. I do not have time to listen to what you are selling. I am sure, anytime I want to find out about something, I possess an ability to search for it. And no, it will never be too late.

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